An Honest Self-Appraisal

So I've decided to make my diet more than just about losing weight, but to be about a rebirth in who I am and what I want out of life and every aspect of myself. So I started yesterday with a self-appraisal about me and the gay community. I started this in a conversation with Anthony (who I am hoping will give me a nickname to call him by on this blog by the time I post it). The premise of this is: Why don't strangers come up to me in a bar and talk to me. Every other gay guy I know has no problem getting strangers to talk to them in a bar, but I seem to be mentally deficient in this area of gayness. Granted there is something I don't like about strangers in bars talking to me, but we have to face it, I've tried meeting guys through work, through school, and through friends to no avail. Strangers are all that's left.

So with this question Anthony and I started taking an honest look at why I come across unapproachable... and to be honest I'm not sure we got anywhere. The common line I got when I started including others is that my dry sarcasm sense of humor. While I may accept that this may be a problem in getting past date one, it seems like this can't be the reason to get a stranger to talk to me. After all, they wouldn't know my humor before even saying hello. So we discussed possible traits about what might push people off. My thought is that I cross my arms a lot. I do it more as a i don't know what to do with my hands at the moment, but I could see how that could push people away. Anthony's thought was that I don't smile enough. Which I can see, but I always feel somewhat retarded when I am smiling for no particular reason. How do I rectify this?

So I am opening this up to you blog readers who know me in these contexts... what am I doing wrong? What am I doing right? What do you see me as? I know most of you felt I was standoffish in the beginning until we got to know each other... what brought you around to thinking I was an ok guy?