withdrawal

So I realize why I haven't been posting much lately. When I get depressed, I withdraw into myself and try to avoid most contact with the outside world. For instance, I didn't go to any bars this past weekend, instead opting for some personal time with myself and watching television.

I haven't posted on here because I don't want to have to analyze how my life is going because it only upsets me further to have to consider how my life is not the way I want it going. Granted, its not as bad as it was 2 months ago, but its not where I want it to be.

I also have had this increasing desire to date a guy lately rather than the meaningless sex I am used to getting. Don't get me wrong, I love meaningless sex. For a while I couldn't figure out why then my friend Christopher figured it out for me. As other areas of my life are out of whack and unstable, I look to relationships to try and stable my life. Unfortunately, I haven't had much luck. And it just shows the instability of that aspect of my life all the more.

Hopefully very soon, all of this will begin to right itself and I will have a lot more stability in my life. Will keep you all updated

it could only happen to me

So I wake up this morning and get ready for work. I had Good Morning America on the tv. Regular morning. I put on my jacket and scarf and was about to put on my backpack and walk out the door.

Pound Pound Pound on my door.

I open the door and there is a police office at the door. He said he received reports that I had been wandering the hallways naked pounding on doors. I was like "WHAT?!?!?!?!" He said that a woman said the man in 512 was pounding on doors naked. He asked if anyone else was with me? I said no. He asked if the apartment building management has spoken to me about it. I'm like no, but i'm never actually here with a full time job and school. He asked where I went to school. He asked me for my id. I gave it to him. He asked for my phone number (and not in the good way). So he said "if you arent doing it you don't have anything to worry about." And it was said in the total way that he didn't believe a word I said.

So I had an instant flash of do I sleep walk. Like I would get out of the bed late at night, undress walk around. Come back to my apartment, get dressed again and go back to bed.

Was there a senile person saying they lived in 512 and I'd come home one day to find out they let him into my apartment.

Was someone out to get me thrown out of the building.

While understanding the humor of the situation, but being on the verge of a breakdown. I called my apartment complex to plead my case and met with the property manager. He was a very nice guy and explained to me that the woman who called the police is a senile woman who had dimentia and hallucinations. She often thinks there are snakes in her apartment. And no one, not even the police officer, thinks I did it.

But its still quite embarrassing to let my neighbors see me talking to a police officer telling me not to walk around naked. I was not happy, but now that its explained I'm much better.

It could only happen to me.