a lesson from my youth

Ricki, Jerry, Sally Jesse... they all taught me an important lesson in my life. If a talk show calls you just to give you a makeover, in all truth its because the love of your life is about to tell you that instead of planning your wedding like he's said he's been doing he's actually been sleeping with your Uncle Rob and they don't plan to stop after your marriage but Rob is moving in and your love will rotate between the two of you. And WAIT.... your sister is now pregnant from a threesome she had with them and doesn't know who the father is. And you have to endure this, plus a white trash food fight for the next 45 minutes.

Bottom Line: If someone all of a sudden is all nice and friendly and wants to talk, be prepared for the worst horror that can possibly be told to you.

Quotes of the Day

Just three quotes to make you smile.


1."Comps gave me diarrhea." -unnamed person at a dissertation support group

2. "Marriage is not about love."- Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO) during a floor debate on the Federal Marriage Amendment.

3. Ruthie (on discussing a regular hookup he has in Boston and why he can't give me the guys number for my upcoming trip): I don't think you have enough melanin.

Flo: That's ok. I can wear blackface.

RIP: Club Juana

THe Orlando Weekly, one of my old favorite newspapers reported this week about the recent closing of Club Juana. It stood as a beacon of trashy liberalism/ debauchery in the sea of conservative Central Florida. While I have never been to Club Juana, as the strippers are female, I have to applaud their particular gumption. At some point in the late 90's/ early 00's, the city of Casselberry placed restrictions on what the club could be nude for. What does Club Juana do? They do Shakespeare in the buff, specifically MacBeth. HAHAHA. I bet somewhere whoever really wrote those plays are smiling as they are bringing a whole new level of entertainment to the common masses. The full article on the strip club can be found here.

Alas, Club Juana we hardly knew ye. And we will miss you, myself and tons and tons of creepy straight guys who passed over a few dollars for a lap dance.

Food Glorious Food

So in my family, food has always been a weapon of war. While we aren't the type of family to send someone to bed without dinner, but we were the type of family that wouldn't buy food for someone for a week if they pissed off the shopper. And when the next week came, if they were still mad, no food that week also. But now that I'm on my own and can buy my own food, the food wars have taken a different tone. Now it is about the Inquistion. There are two meals that my father always has made when I come to town, more for him than me. One is my grandmother's spaghetti and the other is chop suey (which I've never eaten before so I don't know why he always tries to push that on me). And clearly by those two choices you can clearly see my German/Polish heritage. So we had the spaghetti dinner last night and instantly every question became an accusation. "Scott, it tastes better with this salt" (no, thanks). "Scott, put pamesian cheese on it" (no, thanks). "scott, why dont you like cheese." (I just don't want it on my spaghetti). "Scott, put this salt on it." (Jesus Christ, does it have to be this difficult to eat dinner). So I sucked down the food as quickly as possible, but still... why is there such drama in the ridiculous stuff of my family. Like the high guilt trip to use the pool. If they get to asking me ten times why I won't use the pool, I'm going to say "I don't use the pool b/c you dont have naked men who are willing for cheap and sleazy sex like at the bathhouse."

as promised...

Am on vacation in sunny, err... humid Florida, the lightning capital of the world. No drama thusfar worth having its own blog yet... but then again i havent been to Boston Market yet. So in honor of the trip, I will give you the craigslist story about admissions crush (who i'm sort of getting over again... bout time). So last winter, right after the college holiday party, I decide I was going to have some fun. So I posted a missed connection on craigslist that was uber-generic and said something like "saw you across the room, sorry I couldn't chat, but I had to get back to the office." And I got two or three responses and one was admissions crush who wasn't out yet in his office (and I believe he still isnt). Since he was a crush I actually responded to his response. I told him that he wasn't the missed connection, but i knew who he was and thought he was cute and would love to hang out yadda yadda yadda... and no response. oh well, c'est la vie.

Florida update tomorrow!

And the rockets red glare...

So an update on the Holiday weekend. Thursday was the last day of my Qualitative Research Methods class and I couldn't be happier about being done with it. The professor wasnt even there the last week of class... quite ridiculous in my opinion. But afterwards, Jill and I went to our big planned happy hour even at Halo, where I planned to get plastered beyond all recognition... and I feel as if I succeeded. Tons of people showed, I think pretty much everyone had a good time. M&M had some issues leaving the bar and forgetting his keys and having to go back two days later to retrieve them. Rich came up from Norfolk, which was nice. Let's see... the stories that I remember. At some point, Rich was giving Jill all the stories about me in undergrad and made a joke about me having an orgy in New Orleans. And I got all stumped (as there might have been one that he didn't know), had no clear response and my come back was "I have to go" and left that particular conversation group. Also "Old Admissions Crush" was there and to be honest I was sort of crushing on him again (it has been awhile since my last crush). And Cooby Snacks completely cockblocked me all night long. I don't think he realized it, but he essentially monopolized the conversation with old crush and wouldn't let me get in to chat him up at all. And while I don't drunk dial, i do drunk talk and apparently was quite loud saying that he was cockblocking me.... so I'm about 85% sure that crush heard me say that..... how do i walk back this one? Anyone know? (later this week if i dont have another post, I'll tell you the story about craigslist and the crush) After Halo, Rich, Antonio and I went to Chaos for Latin night. Good time. I enjoyed latin dancing although I'm sure I didn't do it right at all... all i could think was hip hip hip hip hip... and i call that salsa.

Friday: Took the day off and hung out with Rich before he went back to Norfolk. Then shortly after Ruthie texted me saying she was on her way back and wanted a night to go out. She and I started at Halo for a regular night of drinking. Then went to JR's where we got a drink from a boy she had been liking. So we left quickly since that didn't end the way we wanted it to. And we went to Apex and had a great time. When did I like dancing so much? When did I start finding it acceptable for any night to come home at like 3 in the morning, much less two nights in a row.

Saturday: It was Brian's birthday. Good times, no real drama, the whole gang and their families were there.

Sunday: spent the night in.

Monday: Had a blind date... oh dear... there won't be a second one. He was a nice enough guy, but I started to know things weren't going to go well when he was like "i really like board games." and i was like "i do too" and he's like well "why don't i bring one to dinner for us to play." and I'm thinking "ummmmm... because that would ruin any chance of me dating in this city again." and so it turned into he'd bring board games to my apartment to play. And he looked nothing like his picture, and he was a bit unkempt and i was so close to picking up my cell phone that clearly wasn't ringing and pretending someone was onthe other line with an emergency. BUt i suffered through. Dinner was supposed to be a part of the evening, but i sort of didn't want to be seen in public with him so i kept telling him i wasn't hungry, even though my stomach was growling something fierce.Then after he left, I called Ruthie and we had to go out. WE went to Halo where he didn't get served because he was black so i had to close out that tab and left no tip. I really should've put on the receipt something like "racists don't deserve tips." Then we went to JR's where they serve black people and we had a great time. Still don't understand why he likes Halo more than JR's. I've told him that JR's is a much friendlier bar.