to JL

To my readers: I promise over the next couple days I will post about my recent trip to San Francisco. Despite some pretty horrific airline stuff, I had a great time visiting some west coast friends. Today's post is one of those cathartic things where I get something off of my chest because I can't really say any of this to their face. So please excuse the venting:

To JL-

I guess I owe you somewhat of an apology. While I don't exactly support the fact that you are engaged after a month of dating someone, if you two last until the wedding, it would be an appropriate length of time that I support it. And since you are my friend and being engaged makes you happy, I should support you in that. For not being there as supportive as I should've been I apologize.

However, what really has been bothering me more than just the fact your engaged is how its shown me what our friendship really is and how pathetic our relationship seems. Its shown me that in your mind the only thing there is is you. Since your last breakup, all it has been about is every little aspect of your life, the breakup of a relationship you wanted to stay in, the slut/rebound phase, meeting a new guy (through me mind you), and settling down with him. In all that time, you rarely even inquire as to how I'm doing before jumping into the intricacies of your life. We used to have quite a few comments about my other best friend who did the same thing and you used to read the riot act about him doing it and now it just seems the same about you. I need my friendships to always be about us (me and the other person). We're both in the friendship and I need them to know when to let me say things, them to know when to ask and prod things out of me as I would expect them to have me to know the same. So far I don't see that from you and I haven't for quite some time. Maybe its symptomatic of our friendship from the beginning in which we stopped talking for a number of months until you needed something from me professionally and realized how crappy it is to ask for something from a "friend" when we weren't really friends. I don't want to get to the point where I really don't even enjoy being around you, but we're getting close to that point. I don't want to come to the point where we don't ever see each other or chat online, but we're kind of to that point anyways since you've started to ignore me again. I guess I was really only a place filler for you in between boyfriends. If that's the truth, then c'est la vie, but I won't be around for the next break.

Just some thoughts I had. Hopefully, JL's act and mine will become more enmeshed and we can work through this...