An Honest Self-Appraisal

So I've decided to make my diet more than just about losing weight, but to be about a rebirth in who I am and what I want out of life and every aspect of myself. So I started yesterday with a self-appraisal about me and the gay community. I started this in a conversation with Anthony (who I am hoping will give me a nickname to call him by on this blog by the time I post it). The premise of this is: Why don't strangers come up to me in a bar and talk to me. Every other gay guy I know has no problem getting strangers to talk to them in a bar, but I seem to be mentally deficient in this area of gayness. Granted there is something I don't like about strangers in bars talking to me, but we have to face it, I've tried meeting guys through work, through school, and through friends to no avail. Strangers are all that's left.

So with this question Anthony and I started taking an honest look at why I come across unapproachable... and to be honest I'm not sure we got anywhere. The common line I got when I started including others is that my dry sarcasm sense of humor. While I may accept that this may be a problem in getting past date one, it seems like this can't be the reason to get a stranger to talk to me. After all, they wouldn't know my humor before even saying hello. So we discussed possible traits about what might push people off. My thought is that I cross my arms a lot. I do it more as a i don't know what to do with my hands at the moment, but I could see how that could push people away. Anthony's thought was that I don't smile enough. Which I can see, but I always feel somewhat retarded when I am smiling for no particular reason. How do I rectify this?

So I am opening this up to you blog readers who know me in these contexts... what am I doing wrong? What am I doing right? What do you see me as? I know most of you felt I was standoffish in the beginning until we got to know each other... what brought you around to thinking I was an ok guy?

racial integration

So Ruthie Sugah Brown and I had a little bet over the last 2 weeks. He bet me that Halo, this pretentious upscale bar that clearly belongs in Sex in the City was more diverse than JR's. Don't get me wrong, I like the place, except for all the old trolls who creep me out. But I thought JR's which has a much more down home feel to it would be the place to find a more racially diverse clientelle. So last Thursday for Twin Sister's Birthday Celebration Extravaganza Part I, I counted all the people of color at JR's and came away over a 90 minute period of time 15, a respectable number. Then after class last night RUthie and I went to Halo, his favorite establishment and within 2 minutes of us walking around we found 16.... so I was wrong and he was right, so I had to cut him to make sure no one ever found out I was wrong.

Weekend pandemonium

So this may be a bit longer than most, as I have a lot to recap. This seemed to be the weekend where I officially had my introduction to gay society in dc. Let's begin last Thursday.

Thursday was the beginning of Chuck's Super Sweet 16 Birthday Celebration Extravaganza. After I got out of class, I met up with Chuck's possee at JR's for Power Hour and had enough vodka to make me a little tipsy (or as Chris put it; "you were soo wasted Thursday," while my response and defense was "not as wasted as I was the time prior to that"). This was also the first time I met Chuck's husband. very nice guy, I actually approve, even though deep down I am revolted and disgusted by it. Then the group decided to go to the Green Lantern for Shirtless Men Drink Free. I completely was going to bail out, but then decided i wanted to see Chuck's brother without a shirt. And so I ended up going and who am I to turn down a free drink, so there goes my shirt.

Friday was a very calm, relaxed day. Chuck had an indoor birthday party so we could have ice cream cake. Catherine and I went. Very calm, but a good time.

Saturday: Wet, a full nudity strip bar. We go and it was a good experience, despite the fact that most of the strippers clearly shouldn't be strippers. I did win a portable cd player that I will need to go back and pick up later this month. Then I also met this cute boy named Ben, tall asian one who is part of the dc blogging community, so i will hunt him down by those means. Also, I give props to Chuck's brother.. he has to be the most confident individual in the world. While at the strip bar, he completely pursued a stripper and got his phone number (this is an important story that comes up later, so remember this).

Also, Can we just use the term BUSTED... I invited Mike, since I hadn't seen him in forever to Wet. He said he had to work. I understood and was like, let's catch up soon I miss you yadda yadda. So we're drinking and I look over and who walks into the bar, but him. And he wasn't there for me either, but his other friends. WHich is just one of the rudest and biggest asshole things to do. How do you expect to not get caught when you lie to someone about what your plans are if you show up at the place you were invited to. You know it sucks to say something like "i've already made plans," or "I really don't want to hang out with you there," but seriously those will be taken better than lying and showing up to the place you weren't supposed to be able to go. And Mike was soo close to losing his nickname, Asshole Mike. Now its right back on him.

Sunday: Started out with brunch at The Beacon Hotel. Excellent food, all you can drink mimosas and the uber-gay experience. Then when we're the last people to leave the restaurant, we go to Biddy Milligan's, a bar that is on Dupont Circle. Nick and I have to go to the bank so we're crossing the circle and there are these two cute boys building a snow penis. It was fabulous. I took a picture with my camera phone. I will put it in an entry if i can figure out modern technology. BUt then I overhear a woman telling her kid that its just not a complete snowman... hahahahhaahhahaha
So we go to Biddy Milligan's and CHuck's brother calls the stripper, Rex who is supposed to come meet him for a hookup. So we wait and we wait and we wait... then Rex walks in.... and its not the stripper any of us was expecting. This is who walks in It was someone else completely and this guy works out at my gym and I've seen him as part of the circle jerks i often see at my gym. So of course I informed the group. So Chuck's brother finally ditches him to the point it was obvious. So then we're packing up and a group of us tries to go to the bathroom and Rex comes back in and tries to pay for his soda.... with dirty stripper ones... Of course we wouldn't accept it. And I'm going to act like we're bff's at the gym now. But we don't know what happened exactly. Either the stripper that Rich wanted passed the number along, or Rich was so drunk he gave his number out to a lot of people we don't know. We then go to JR's and top of the night. Good times there and I finally feel like I belong as part of that group, whether its Bernie talking about my penis size, Nick slapping my ass, or Chris kissing me on the mouth (in a good bye kiss, not a make out kiss), I do feel like I'm no longer an outsider. Then I find out Rich called up Rex for a hookup afterall.

did I do something wrong?

So one of the group of friends that I hang out with have become kind of distant lately. Its started to bother me as I think that I did something to offend them, or make them uncomfortable. I am not sure how this should be addressed at all. On one hand, I think that I must have done something wrong as there has been a complete change in my relationship to them, but I don't know what I did or what I should be apologizing for. On the other hand, we all have busy lives and I know I tend to overreact to things like this. What should I do?

Maybe this is my chickenshit way of confronting this situation? Write about it in a blog and don't use any names or defining characteristics of the situation, hoping that they will read it and address it without me needing to bring it up. And then if it makes me look stupid, I deny its about them. hmmmmm... blogs can be very useful tools.

Another IM conversation

dwoodworthcard: Are you back in classes now?

Scottyboif: yeah and I'm struggling

dwoodworthcard: too much?

Scottyboif: yeah... it should be better at the end of the month, but alot of it comes from my inability to say no.

dwoodworthcard: I've heard that about you.

Weekend Recap

Friday:

I have found a new level of dedication for my exercise/diet routine... this could also be referred to as I've gone crazy and this is an episode of dillerium. Knowing I would be headed to Florida for a night this weekend, I wanted to make sure that I continued to stay on my routine so I woke up at 6 in the morning to exercise. LEt me just say the gym is a completely different place in the morning, less people for me to hate, more serious workout people, no one leering at me while propositioning me to do inappropriate stuff in the showers (ok, so there are minuses as well as pluses).

Then I flew to Jacksonville for an art show in St. Augustine, the nation's oldest city. Jax is such a Florida city with sprawl and a strip mall on every block. St. Augustine is quaint, but i definately wouldn't want to live there. So i went to Scott Beaton's mothers art show and had a blast. I purchased a piece of hers.

I also got to hang out with Evil Greg . I really enjoy spending time with him, whether it is for the un-pc humor, the gay sex jokes, or his genuine winning personality. I am excited to look at the gift he gave me, which i haven't had the time to yet. I also think I left a pair of pants in his room... but I refuse to expound on that to let the rumors begin. While in Jax I also got up to a little shenanigans that was most enjoyable.

And the weekend topper to please Sponsler is that I watched the SUperbowl. In its entirety and not for the commercials. I even rooted for his team. Mainly, because they were more attractive than the other team, but hey its a start. I also wasn't nearly as bored with football as i had been in years passed.