Single and loving it

So my friend sent me an interesting article about gay couples at a young age settling down and getting married. You should read the article. It elicited a very interesting conversation. He was saying that he was offended because the article gave the impression that young men don't know anything about relationships and that type of coupling is seen as immature and not realistic. My friend's background is one that he coupled at a young age and they are still together, over 7 years.

My background to the article was completely different. I was offended because it portrayed the only ok situation to be one where an individual is coupled. That those who remain single are sick and need to be cured. I am single by my own choice (despite those recent postings about crushing on my ex) and i am content with that. I have high enough self-esteem that I know I can be a complete individual without someone else there. Could it be nice, if the right guy was there that I was in love with? sure. Am I less of a person because I am single, or have been for a while? No.

I once read a book about being single and it was dead on. Gay and Single... Forever? It was a very interesting book on gay relationships and friendships. Made a lot of sense and the author has a very compelling argument that society sets us up for failure because they tell us all the time that its unnatural to be single, which makes us codependent on the need for someone else. We jump into relationships that are horribly wrong for us because we fear aloneness.

Well I enjoy being alone sometimes and do not need someone there all the time. I do not need to date if the guy is the wrong person and I'm ok with that. I am still a confident and happy person, despite what the NYT tells me.

What are your thoughts on the article? Being single? Being in a relationship?

on the dancefloor

DC opened up a new gay dancebar this weekend called town. I went and realize how sad it was that i knew tons of people there, more than the group of friends i was with who seem more social than i am.. guess i was wrong.

But at some point in the bathroom, I ran into this guy that i went on a date with like 2 years ago. A Peruvian guy named Cesar. We started talking on the dancefloor where he complimented my hair (he knew me before it went buzzed) and my weight loss. He said he barely recognized me. Take that bitch! I'm thin and beautiful. Then his tongue went into my mouth :)

Good times being thin.

Conferencing

So over the past week I have been at two separate conferences. From last Wednesday through Saturday I was at the ASHE conference in Louisville, KY. I went for the pre-conference policy sessions, which was really good. I was able to make a lot of contacts with people, like all the big names in my research area. I also made some new friends, which was nice.

I presented my paper. I got some nice compliments on it like "it was well written," "I enjoyed reading it." and "Your reference list was so complete I feel I could now teach a class on college choice." But then the reader/discussant said he didn't feel comfortable giving feedback because he was unfamiliar with the panels methodologies... (copout answer if i ever heard one). So I didn't really get any feedback on how to improve my paper. Afterwards there was one person who asked a question and it was totally not a question, just him ranting about lottery scholarship programs. Afterwards the chair of our session asked if we'd like to answer and one woman said... there was no question, just a rant. hahaha it was great. In addition to that I was talked to by the editor of a journal who said i should submit when i finish my dissertation. YAY.

Also, conference men (much like the latins) seem to love me. I had men eating out of my hand left and right and checking me out all the time. I even made a conference boyfriend. It was a great relationship... sadly he has a real life boyfriend so we wont be more than conference boyfriends (let me know if you need this concept explained). But that story is cute. I interrupted he and his friend talking about something to ask where the bar was at a social. He said there was none, but you had to grab it from the waiters when they came by. I looked confused and distraught.... so he offered me a sip of his wine, which i took. And then we introduced ourselves. But we made sure to hang out at some point each day at the conference.

and of course shenanigans ensued at north america's largest gay bar.

In coming days for my catch up: the second conference, this boy flirting with me on the way to work, and more.

I'm a fool...

I realize this starts off with it sounding like i'm going to be putting myself down, but for my normal cycle with boys, I'm actually quite proud of my realization and ability to end the cycle of crap that I get downloaded with by other people.

So this youngish boy flirted with me a few weeks ago and since every once in a while you just need that type of special attention I developed a crush. Yes, I knew from the beginning it was a crush, but you know that can be just as bad as actual attachments and feelings. So of course I got giddy whenever he'd text or call etc etc. So one night when we hung out I bought all his drinks all because i wanted the attention a little bit more.

So this weekend was one of those moments. He called. He broke up with his boyfriend and wanted someone to listen(which is ironic--- as multiple people called in this same circumstance and this could probably be said of them). I, of course, being the dope that I am thought... this will be great to get in with him.. i can be the sweet guy to the rescue. So he came over and I listened to all his problems and offered to buy him dinner since he was in a bad financial situation right now. So we go out to dinner and I have the epiphany on the way to dinner that he's only doing this b/c he's an attention whore. He likes the fact that boys pay him attention. He has absolutely no interest in me, never has and never will, but he likes that I flirt with him, he likes that I ignore everyone else when he is around, and he likes that i insist on paying (even though he offered to pay multiple times- my blog readers should know me well enough to know i wouldn't accept it). So we have dinner, he has a few drinks and then insults me during dinner a few times. Wow is all i have to say. As is usually the case with these types of people (as I have been through them enough to know) that despite how incredible of a guy i am to them and open and honest and nice and caring, they always have an insult ready to throw at you for no particular reason.

I waited out dinner and still paid (rather than getting up and leaving right then, as i should have). He did offer, but we all know i'd still pay for it... my weird chivalry. He even made jokes about how I should leave right away. He even made comments about hooking up with or going out with my other friends, which is a slap in the face when you know someone likes you (yes, he knew i liked him--- that was made clear a few days prior).

BUt (this is the redeeming part for me) normally I would stay in this cycle for weeks trying to analyze if he's interested or not. But this time I realized it in a good week and am ending it. I don't plan on hanging out with him again. Chances are we'll see each other in passing or in public events, since we know the same people. But I'm pretty much done with it and the drama. I deserve better than what I've gotten and I know it.

Sea-Por III

mike and I seemed to bust out on happening establishments as we walked around the city last night, so in lieu of that a story from the previous night I forgot to mention. We were leaving Silverados (the full nude strip bar) and it was an interesting thing to see outside as there were all these young gay hustlers. The joke has always been that any movie about young gay runaways or hustlers always end up in one of two places Toronto, or Portland. How true it was. Well we were walking to another bar and this guy had a sign on him that said "Give me verbal insults 4 for a Dollar." Well that upset me, so I went back and gave him a 5 and gave him something inspirational like "you can achieve anything you want." Mike also gave him a dollar but didn't verbally insult him. Portland is unlike other cities I've been to. What an interesting gay culture.

Back to Seattle tonight.

its all about me

Let me start by saying I understand the irony that someone with a blog is making this argument, but i will defend myself later on.

I've come to a conclusion about one of my big frustrations with the gay community. Its always got to be about you. There are so many attention whores out there that I just can't deal with it anymore. All but a very few number of gay men I know have to always be the center of attention. I wonder why I don't get noticed at the bars and I think this is exactly why. I don't make it about ME ME ME. And I'm frustrated that all my friends do that. Why can't I hang out with guys who can at least halve the attention time with other people in the group. What is it that makes these guys need to have every eye focused on them. These are the same guys who will tell you something as a friend and make promises to you, when really all they want is for you to be enamored with them. They don't want equals in their friends, they want people who want to be like them.

So where am I going wrong in meeting these guys? Am I doomed to always have these types as my friend as long as I have gay friends? Or is it more pervasive than I think and this occurs with straight men, straight women, lesbians, bisexuals, transsexuals, everybody on Earth.

Now, I know that I have a blog, which is inherently a medium where I make it all about me me me. Fine. But I put it out there and people can read it or not. This is more like my journal/diary and its me having me me me time with myself. Yeah, some friends read it, but they don't have to and I'm not forcing them to, like I would if I were hanging out at bars and forcing the same conversation topics about me and boys and me and me and some more of me. In fact, I rarely talk about me when I'm out with my friends (but this may be because I can't get a word in edgewise) ;)

Thank God my vacation is coming up!

Bachelor Auction

As promised, the bachelor auction date post. So on Sunday evening, I met my date for dinner at Tonic, which is a restaurant that specializes in comfort food. I, being the perpetually on time person that I am, arrived about 15 minutes early. When he got there , we did the gay exchanging of pleasantries (hug/kiss on the cheek). WE went in and he knew people in the restaurant next door so he said hi. I thought he was just popular, but apparently his friends decided to check up on him during the date... which wasn't mentioned til late into the date.. but has some awkwardness attached to it.

The conversation was good. Its like if we were able to go down different paths of our lives and then meet up and discuss life with our future possible selves... that was our date. We had a lot in common, education- the same reasons for doing so much education, the worries we have about putting ourselves out there in a date/romantic setting, the hangups we have with men, etc etc. IF it were a actual date, there may have been some overshares of personal information, but since it wasn't, its ok.

At some point, he got all inquisitive about why I (someone) would purchase a bachelor at a bachelor auction and actually go out with them. And I said it was just for the experience and the story (which is 100% the truth), but my inner monologue had a much deeper conversation of two points. 1. If I wanted to eat at that particular restaurant, it would've been cheaper just to go to that restaurant with friends and pay my own way. and 2. while yes this money technically was for charity, its not like it was a big charitable cause like cancer research, or AIDS related concerns, or poverty. Its to send gays to France.... If i cared about that charity, I'd buy a ticket to Paris for myself.

And of course, at some point he mentioned he had a blog. And he said he didn't want to tell me what it was since I had been mentioned in it through the whole date purchase thing. I respect that entirely, but let's be honest... anyone who knows me knows I'm instantly going to internet stalk. And it wasn't hard to find at all. The early posts about the date weren't so nice and had I read them before the date, I probably would've canceled and not gone out with him at all. But his summary paints me in a good light, so I appreciate that. Here's the link to the good review and to my readers, please note... he doesn't know that I know his blog yet, so don't incriminate me :)

But he seemed nice enough. I think if we see each other out, we'll definitely stop to chat, but there's no real date coming up with him and I don't know if we'll ever actually call each other to hang out. I guess we'll see on that one.

Two conferences and an election

So I have been quite a busy boy lately. Last week I went to Anaheim for the ASHE Conference. All in all it was... though I think the one in Philly was better. Cities where you can walk to everything make better conference locations than cities that you can only drive. It creates a better sense of camaraderie. The sessions were ok, but last years appealed to me much much more than the ones this year. But I got to hang out with some good friends. We hit up three gay bars: Mick and Macks (an mix between JR's and Halo). We mainly played pool there while listening to music on a digital jukebox. Then all of a sudden a bunch of Asian guys showed up like out of nowhere and immediately. We were like WTF?!??!?!?!?!?!?! Where'd all the ASians come from? Granted on the East Coast they are not as prevalent. But then we saw them put up signs for Club Asia. There were some attractive Asian guys there too.. something I don't see much, or any of in DC (i'm sure they are there, I just haven't seen them). Then we went to the Brit Bar, which was a mix between JR's and Green Lantern. We walk in and immediately some guy (Salvador) is trying to give M&M and Navy Rich a backrub. It was hilarious, especially when M&M was like "I love when my straight friends come to bars with me" as he puts his hand around NavyRich. Then Sal went into deeply apologetic mode and kept trying to make friendly conversation with us. Eventually we asked him what the bar down the street was like. He said "that's where f*ggots suck c*ck." So I responded with "well lets go boys" and so we did. Last bar of the night was The Mine Shaft... any bar with the word shaft in it is not going to be pretty. It was ok, not as scary as I thought it would be. And no f*ggots sucking c*ck either... false advertising.

The only other story of note from the conference was that I was supposed to meet with a friend of my professors to go over research stuff and get some "mentoring" BUt I also get the impression the guy is interested in me (as all professors seem to be). So we decide we'll meet Friday at 10am and i wait and wait and wait. An hour later the c-blocker walks by (he'll appreciate that's what his name is now) and I call him to come have coffee with me while I wait. No show at all. This professor I see everywhere having coffee, tea, or a meal with every single person there except me. So I don't see him til our last full day there. And we're crossing a main intersection and I say hi but don't mention being stood up and he's like how are you? i'm like ummm other than waiting two hours for you great. So I get back to DC after the conference and he emails me with: "I'm sorry we weren't able to meet to discuss your topic." ummm... by weren't able to meet do you mean "i forgot all about you, but am still not apologizing?" He wants to talk by phone, but right now I don't want to... maybe after the semester.

For the last two days, I've been volunteering and doing stuff for registration at a conference right near my hotel. Its a quick hundred dollars so I am not complaining. But, all these professors were checking me out... I swear to god if I didn't hate faculty right now, I'd be so able to get tons of academic booty.

And most important, what a glorious night Tuesday was. The democrats pick up the house and 6 Senate seats. Thank you God. You have finally smiled on the forces of good. I'd also like to note however, that every candidate I sent money to lost still. 6 years of political involvement and not one winning candidate yet. Hmmmm.. That's it no more donating money. I can't wait til 2008 with Kaplain.... we're gonna rock all night long until every election result is in. :) Whooo...

Other than that some minor stuff: I find out an old crush has a new boyfriend. Some guy I actually know... and ummmm how to say this with some modesty... I'm sooo much more attractive... Oh well, he has no idea what he lost. I realized today that I only have about 4 real weeks left to succeed at my New Years resolution: to go on three dates with the same guy. The most I've had so far is 1 date with talk about a second. (which happened once or twice). But I think I'm about to lose my New Years Resolution. But if you happen to know a guy who would like to go out with me at least three times by Jan 1, please forward my contact information onto them. There does not have to be 4 dates, just 3.